


forgive him for not forgiving

by firebrands



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Extended Scene, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:48:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23891863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firebrands/pseuds/firebrands
Summary: written in response to RDJ's comment on the endgame scene where tony gives steve the shield: "it was all about him forgiving me for not forgiving him.” this is how i wished this scene went.stony bingofill for S1: that scene
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 58
Kudos: 254





	forgive him for not forgiving

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to [jaz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostfall) for helping me through this, and [Diana ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmao_thunder/pseuds/lmao_thunder) & [kait](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starksnack/profile) for beta reading!
> 
> this was written in a haze of mania and they all helped me shape this into something i'm quite proud of. i hope you enjoy! :)

When Scott Lang is finally turned back to his actual age, Steve runs a hand through his hair and walks out. For a moment, his heart beats wildly in his chest, still coming down from what he’d seen inside. Fear and disbelief come out of him in a high, half-hysterical laugh.

He needs a break. Everyone needs a goddamn break, but then again, haven’t the past five years been just that? Even if Steve didn’t know what would happen, somehow he’s always felt just at the precipice of possibility—he knows he can never move on, and in a warped way, he knows that means there is a way to fix all of this. 

It’s a hot day, and Steve is more exhausted than usual.

He wishes, so hard that he might as well write it down for all the world to see, that Tony was here. Bruce is no idiot, but they all know Tony would have solved this hours ago. But Steve knows why he isn’t here. Steve isn’t arrogant enough to assume that it’s because he’s here, that those wounds still sting when faced with a larger problem like saving the universe.

Still, it’s a bit surreal, to have _everyone_ here. It makes Tony’s absence much more glaring.

Steve wipes the sweat from his brow and frowns at the general landscape.

He barely has time to collect himself when he hears tires screeching on asphalt. Looking up with a jolt, he quickly tamps down on the hope fluttering in his chest—hope that’s been on too short a supply. Still, he recognizes Tony easily enough, and Steve’s frown deepens. _What could he want?_

The car overshoots him, typical of Tony’s need to exude bravado, and he backs up.

Steve raises his eyebrows in greeting.

“Why the long face?” Tony asks, smirking. “Let me guess. He turned himself into a baby.”

Steve sighs before huffing out a laugh. “Among other things, yeah,” he says. He’s missed this side of Tony, glib and teasing. It’s a welcome change from how somber he was in the lake house, or how acerbic he was in the compound, all those years ago. 

Tony nods.

“What are you doing here?”

Tony answers by talking jargon at him—another sign that he’s nervous, not really himself. And why would he be? It’s not like he and Steve have been on speaking terms after Siberia.

There’s a vast ocean of things they should’ve said—that Steve should have said, should have asked. _I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I never came back._

_Thank you. Thank you. Thank you._

_I love you._

_Can we still fix this? Can we fix this at all? Can you still look me in the eye, like you used to?_

After all this time, _because_ of all this time, it seems too late. The cavernous expanse of silence, of anger. On nights when Steve is brave enough to admit to himself, there’s another bitter emotion to add to the list: regret.

Tony pauses, standing in front of him, healthy and beautiful as the day Steve first laid eyes on him. There’s a word for the lump in his throat. It’s one he’s only learned to understand recently: love.

"Regardless, I fixed it. A fully functional time-space GPS," Tony says, holding up his hand. There’s a proud smile on his face. 

Steve smiles back because he doesn't know what to say to that—overwhelmed by his brilliance, once again.

Tony sighs. "I just want peace,” he says, flashing a brilliant smile at Steve. When Steve doesn’t say anything, Tony adds, “turns out resentment is corrosive and I hate it.” He says it very casually, like he’s not putting something almost a decade old to rest.

“Me too,” Steve admits, quietly. He thinks of saying more, but Tony’s walking to the trunk of his car.

“We got a shot at getting these stones, but I gotta tell you my priorities: Bring back what we lost? I hope, yes. Keep what I got? I have to, at all costs.” 

Steve nods. He understands that on the list of things Tony needs, proper reconciliation isn’t on par with saving the universe. Of course not. Still—it’s important, isn’t it?

“And... maybe not die trying will be nice.”

Steve laughs. “Sounds like a deal.”

They shake on it, and at that moment it comes crashing down on Steve, how much he’s missed this, how much he missed Tony. Tony, who’d known how to put Steve in his place and build him up in equal measure. Tony, who served as a guiding light for all of them, who was an example again and again of what it meant to give until nothing was left. 

Steve follows Tony, thinking of how he can even begin to broach the topic— _before all this happened, the being who’d hurt you most was me, wasn’t it? There was a time when we trusted each other, right? Is this us going back to that?_

Somehow, it feels like building a house of cards.

Steve swallows. He wants to say, _I’m sorry. You don’t need to say it back. You don’t need to be sorry for anything anymore, you’ve been through enough—we’ve been through enough._

In the back of his mind, Steve knows all too well: it’s not like he deserves Tony’s forgiveness, anyway. Which brings him back to the knowledge that comes with the acceptance of love, and all its trappings. If after all that’s happened between them Tony can speak to him—that says enough about how Tony wants to be. And Steve is okay with that. Maybe they’ll just have to live with sweeping all of it under the rug; it wouldn’t be the first time.

The words fade from his mind as Tony pulls out the shield and holds it out to Steve, expectantly.

“Tony,” Steve breathes out, reverent. “I—I don’t know.” After all this time, Tony’s held on to it. That in itself feels like benediction, speaks to Tony’s belief in him. Steve’s throat feels tight.

“Why?” Tony asks, frowning as if he isn’t granting Steve anything more than a vibranium disc. “He made it for you. And honestly, I’ve got to get it out of the house—” Again with the jokes, and surely he knows that Steve can tell what he’s doing, surely Tony knows that after all this time, Steve still knows him.

“Thank you, Tony,” Steve says, holding out his arm. 

Tony affixes the shield, and they’re silent for a moment.

They’ve never been too good at words, Tony with too many and Steve with too few. But where they’d always agreed was action.

Steve is holding the shield between them still, and he presses closer, raises a hand to rest on the base of Tony’s neck, and pulls him in for a kiss. For a brief moment, he feels wild, unfettered, brightness pooling inside him and pouring out. So this is what kissing him feels like, he thinks, dazed.

Then he realizes what he’s done and jumps back.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

Tony raises a hand to his lips and touches them. A small smile blooms on his mouth. “No, I think you should’ve, a long time ago,” he says. He reaches out and touches Steve’s arm, slides it up to rest it on his shoulder. “Do it again.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on [tumblr](https://firebrands.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/firebrandss)!


End file.
